Most relationships, as we know starts off with a phase known as the cupcake phase – it is new, you’re getting to know this person, your love still sizzles. However, we are all testaments to the fact that soon after, this phase begins to wade off deep in the waters of familiarity. You hear from people that are still together many years after and they all have a common thing to say. Generally, it can be expressed as the willingness of each party to fall in love with their partner every day.

Somehow, many years after, we begin to realize that when you begin to see the other sides to the one you love,  you then know that staying together is a decision, a choice you make the day they annoy you, or the night you don’t get a good night sleep from their snoring, or after an argument, you realise how stubborn and unrelenting this woman is.

It is a number of many things and that’s why the guys at TED, have talks for understanding what this business is all about and how to make it last. Listen below:

– The secret to desire in a long-term relationship – Esther Perrel, a relationship therapist.

“In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.”

– This is what enduring love looks like – Alec Soth, Stacy Baker.

“Stacey Baker has always been obsessed with how couples meet. When she asked photographer Alec Soth to help her explore this topic, they found themselves at the world’s largest speed-dating event, held in Las Vegas on Valentine’s Day, and at the largest retirement community in Nevada — with Soth taking portraits of pairs in each locale. Between these two extremes, they unwound a beautiful through-line of how a couple goes from meeting to creating a life together.”

– Falling in love is the easy part – Mandy Len Catron.

“Did you know you can fall in love with anyone just by asking them 36 questions? Mandy Len Catron tried this experiment, it worked, and she wrote a viral article about it (that your mom probably sent you). But … is that real love? Did it last? And what’s the difference between falling in love and staying in love?”

– Love — you’re doing it wrong – Yann Dall’Aglio.

“In this delightful talk, philosopher, Yann Dall’Aglio explores the universal search for tenderness and connection in a world that’s ever more focused on the individual. As it turns out, it’s easier than you think. A wise and witty reflection on the state of love in the modern age.”

Rethinking infidelity … a talk for anyone who has ever loved – Esther Perrel again.

“Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic: because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected — an expression of longing and loss. A must-watch for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.”

Author: Cerebral Lemon