11 September 2016
Inmost parts of the 20th century, divorces were not as common as it obtains now.
For it to happen, one or both spouses must have justified the fat that the relationship had broken down irreconcilably.
Factors taken into consideration could be issues like adultery, abandonment, cruelty, fetishness and drunkenness, among numerous others.
After the 1970s, couples no longer needed to prove that one person was at fault before divorce could be initiated – it had become easy.
They could simply say that the marriage had broken down irretrievably and they could not continue in it for the sake of their well-being.
For teenagers, watching the parents, divorce is painful. Many teenagers are caught in the web and end up badly affected.
Their education may suffer, and they are often exposed to peer pressure. Worst still, they grow up with the mindset that marriage is never a good thing.
We have many of them as friends and classmates, so most people out their can relate.
What can a teenager do when the parents are filing for divorce?
Find a confidant
Find a responsible person who can lighten your emotional load by acknowledging what you’re going through. Usually a mentor, a counselor or a religious leader would do. A young boy was asked to visit a particular family every weekend just to feel family love. It has helped the young man.
Don’t take sides.
As hard as this can be, try as much as possible to avoid taking sides. Each of the parents will always patronise you and make you take side with him or her by painting the other person in a bad picture. This is their drama, not yours, so let it remain that way. On this, I suggest that they get counsel to help them make the best decisions.
Ask your parents to think about their future.
A lot of couples divorce without planning for the future. It may help to have an open and honest conversation with your parents about planning for the future. The retirement plans they have. Who supports your education? Do they plan to re-marry other people? Where do you stay?
Don’t bug them for more information
You may naturally want to press them for more information on why they are calling it quits; it will only cause you confusion and hurt, so don’t. Relationships are complicated and they don’t end over a specific moment. There’s no value in gathering more information as you’ll never be able to truly understand what happened. No matter what they might tell you, even your parents do not know exactly what happened that got them to the point of wanting a divorce.
Don’t lose yourself in the situation and abandon your health. Don’t resort to drinking alcohol or smoking, it doesn’t help. Eat regularly and exercise a lot. Regular exercise will help you to relax a little bit.
Don’t get involved in the court proceedings
Even if you throw the second advice in the thrash and took sides with one of your parents, choose to be excused from the court proceedings. It always leaves a negative memory that lasts for a long time.
Give yourself time to heal
Give yourself enough time to recover from this ugly development. Even your parents who have been recently divorced need some time to get used to the situation. Don’t rush the recovery; it might force you to take up a bad habit or an unhealthy relationship.
As the rate of divorce is increasing in the world, parents are urged to put the future of their children into consideration before they head to the courts. Many people in the penitentiaries today are a products of divorces.
Author: Dotun Obatuyi
My name is Dotun Obatuyi (Dotunoba), I hail from Osun state, a public health scientist (monitoring and evaluation specialist), my keen interests are researching, critiquing and writing feature articles on health, science and technology as well as issues around the globe.