‘Siju’… He called out from one of the now empty classes. I turned slightly in the direction of the sound and there he was, my very first toaster at SeniorSecondary 3.

Please come, he said.

I excused myself from the group of girls, my friends, we were hurrying to after school lessons- and obliged.

‘I want us to be friends’…. He said

I took a long look at him… If this is what toasting is, why do people make it seem like a big deal?

‘Okay’ I responded

‘As in the way’ He continued

‘The way?’ I asked. Another long look at him, not long enough for him to respond though, and again, I said ‘Okay’.

Honestly, I didn’t know ‘what the way’ was, I just said it was okay.

And that was it, toasting and acceptance finished in less than 5 sentences. Plus response.

I didn’t realize the weight of that conversation until about 2 years after when I got into the Uni and this friend started sulking when he joined my class and saw I had quite a number of male ‘fans’.

Oh, did I agree to a relationship? Was that short conversation ‘an asking’ to a relationship?

You see, people expect me to get/understand simple things as toasting. They are usually surprised when they discover I don’t. I literally don’t. Or more like, I don’t tolerate ambiguity in matters of the heart.

At 37 years of age, you say you don’t understand where your relationship is heading. If you can’t engage your partner in a sensible conversation to determine where your relationship is headed, then, I will say maybe you honestly are not ready for marriage.

Married people discuss important issues regardless of how knotty they are. Regardless of what hurt it may bring. Regardless of what offensive secrets it may unravel.

I don’t appreciate time wasting and time wasters. Time is too swift to be spent unwisely.

‘We are just in it, let’s see where it leads to’…

Whilst I appreciate not pressurizing ones partner into any commitment, I also appreciate and celebrate myself too much to get committed to an uncommitted partner.

Or what serious relationship isn’t defined?

Author: Siju Yusuf