29 September 2017
Answering to a question on Quora, ‘What is your biggest regret in life?’, an anonymous user went on to narrate how a simple harmless Facebook message turned out to be his biggest regret in life.
Pinging “hi” on fb to my crush during my final year (2012) of college.
She was an intelligent, classy girl and I was always in awe of her during my entire college days. I never had the guts to start a conversation with her though. Somehow gathered courage and sent a hi along with congrats on the day she got a placement offer.
That is how it all started – She replied and the conversation began. We would chat almost every other day on Fb on some random topic from then on and the chats were never ending. There were days I slept on my laptop itself while chatting. From fb we graduated to WhatsApp slowly and started becoming good friends.
Friendship started showing sudden signs of possessiveness 6 months down the line; We both knew we weren’t just friends anymore, but we did not accept it for a long time because of our orthodox family backgrounds which would fail to understand love.
Two years later during some random fight she confessed that she loves me and we can’t be just friends anymore. I loved her throughout these years; it was our family backgrounds which stopped me from taking it forward. But, now with her conveying her feelings I wiped all such thoughts and said a yes to her.
We began our relationship with lots of hope and love about our futures.
The relationship lived through all tough situations for 2.5 years. I started thinking of her as my wife as opposed to girlfriend as we were so hopeful and blinded by love. I had imagined a whole life with her all these years.
I convinced my family somehow and they were ok with my love, but she couldn’t do that. Her parents gave emotional tortures and she went through a lot of trauma. It was a disastrous three months in our relationship. She tried her best – she had to choose between her parents and me. I loved her so much that I could do anything for her, anything to make her feel better. All I wanted was for her to be happy after those emotional tortures she went through.
We cannot live happily knowing her parents would be unhappy – so we ended our relationship.
Little did I know what this would cause to me in the upcoming months as all I wanted at that moment was her to be relieved from the pressure her family was exerting on her. Initial days post break up were fine as I spent a lot of time in office and with friends. Slowly but steadily breakup started having its effect on me. 3 months post breakup I felt like visiting the places I went with her. I started going to these places often from then. I started missing her terribly. I reduced talking to people, I started spending times alone staring at the plain sky every evening.
Six months post breakup I somehow figured out she had been married. I was happy for her and her parents. At the same time I understood breaking up and watching them belong to someone else are two entirely different things. I felt numbness in me – something which belonged to you all through had suddenly been ripped off you. I fell sick, lost weight, lost hope in life, almost lost reasons to genuinely smile in the consequent months. Am trying hard to cope up with life. I will live through for the sake of my parents.
It’s been more than a year since we broke up and here I am (at 3 a.m) trying to retrospect what would have happened if I had not pinged a “hi” 5 years back. May be I wouldn’t have inflicted pain and emotional burden on her peaceful family. May be I would not be missing someone else’s wife now. May be I would be sleeping peacefully now without worrying about anything. Yes, I truly regret pinging her that day.