7 September 2016
Having communication problems with your spouse lately and you wonder if an end is coming to it anytime soon?
This communication problem does not necessarily mean your relationship is experiencing a major love lost, what it might mean, however, is that it is a result of wrong communication styles that both parties developed over time without knowing it.
No one intentionally sets out to pick up bad habits; it creeps in when one is least aware of the consequences. This applies to bad communication too.
It starts slowly until it degenerates into something that cannot be controlled. This article seeks to highlight bad communication habits that have been identified among partners.
Some people who are having communication problems tend to think that they are probably not communicating enough and that is why they are having crisis.
While this is true for most women, this assumption may not be for men. It’s important to find ways to connect first, before communicating, or else the communication can just generate further feelings of hurt and disconnection.
For example, you may be the type for whom actions speak louder than words; if your partner showers you with compliments but never helps with the household chores, that’s a big disconnect.
If you and your partner find yourselves always talking things out but still never get over relationship hurdles, maybe you need to concentrate on other, non-verbal ways to connect.
Except you are a soothsayer or gifted to see what is in the minds of others, then it is simply impossible for you to read minds.
Since you most likely are not a soothsayer, then it will be wrong for you assume you know what is in the mind of your partner.
You really can’t assume that your spouse knows how you feel or what you want. You don’t share the same feelings, worldview or thoughts. This simple act of assuming has broken a lot of relationships, with partners saying I assumed he wanted this or that. Don’t assume, ask!
Giving up before saying what is in your mind
Some people describe the ideal marriage as a two-way street. If you don’t have any arguments, or one side is always directing the traffic, you are riding on a one-way street without any communication.
You may say let me keep quiet before this degenerates again. Your partner may keep repeating that thing you do not like because you didn’t speak up. In speaking, choose a good way to communicate your grievances but never remain in silence, it never helps.
Dwelling on trivial matters
One partner is just not willing to give up, continuing toxic conversations and repeating rash lectures. It does not lead to any constructive dialogue, nothing gets resolved; the relationship deteriorates further. Both partners get exhausted and burned out. One of them just have to learn how to give up sometimes if the relationship will work.
Not seeing things from your partner’s view point
Sometimes it’s just a matter of knowing the best way to communicate with your partner for better communication.
Equally important, though, is making the effort to understand things from your partner’s perspective – something we might not always remember to do. Empathy is the most important skill you can practice, personally and professionally.
You don’t always have to agree with the other person, but at least you’ll both be on the same relationship page.
Author: Dotun Obatuyi
My name is Dotun Obatuyi (Dotunoba), I hail from Osun state, a public health scientist (monitoring and evaluation specialist), my keen interests are researching, critiquing and writing feature articles on health, science and technology as well as issues around the globe.