‘’Toke should grow up. Why will she make her whole existence about one man?’’

This and many more of such comments made me look forward to reading the book ‘’On-Becoming’’ by the famous OAP, Toke Makinwa.

Was I disappointed?


Toke bared her all (I believe) in this page turner.

I, like many other women can relate with most of the things she wrote about but I, like most other women are not courageous enough to tell all like this ‘must-tell’.

Our dis-functionalities as human beings make us seek love and acceptance in the most unlikely places.

Even when we are confronted with the truth, we make it seem as though our very existence depends on the very questionable path we are toeing.

Like Toke, many of us have had experiences and have sought acceptance and succour. For many women, the deceptive (sometimes, not all the time) profession of love from the male counterparts are just what we need to let down every guard and go full-on.

Women have higher tendencies to believe what they hear even if it is without concrete proofs and evidences. It is just how they are wired. Therefore, it isn’t entirely surprising that quite a number of us are OR have been in similar situations.

I remember an experience I had with a boyfriend back in the days. He apparently had another girlfriend but every time he says to me; ‘You are the real deal’, I get all mushy and allow myself to be drawn in on the lies.

Was I stupid? No, I was just very weak and accepting that fact was something I wasn’t willing to do.

Stories and admonitions of ‘’hang in there’’ by friends was not also helpful. (Yea, society plays its significant role in this cycle).

Man or woman, we need to accept and love ourselves first. You cannot give what you don’t have and I dare say; you cannot make it happen if it is not happening.

There is a confidence that comes from loving and accepting ourselves. A confidence that resists even our hearts when it tries to dominate our thoughts. A confidence that ensures our brain takes the lead at all times.

Maje (from Toke’s account) is not a bad man in my opinion, though he has his faults. Far from it.

Toke is the one on a journey. A journey on self-realization, a journey on becoming….

If all woman (and man) will come to the acceptance of the truth in our situations and get on the ride to become…

Author: Siju Yusuf