17 June 2016
A successful relationship involves two people working each day at making it work. It involves two people sharing ideas, sharing moments, discussing future plans together, talking about their dreams and aspirations, delighting in each other’s astonishment.
We sometimes get carried away with how pleasing these things sound that we often forget it is a combine effort by two people – two souls, two minds, two consciousness.
The statement that birthed marriage, according to Christians, goes thus: “and two shall become one”.
The statement often deludes us to think that a person over time becomes like us, much like another version of us.
Though you may seem to share similarities and even passions, in between these lies, there is the need for different self expression.
A good relationship leaves a healthy space for the two people involved to be left free in their skin. True to say, often times, a lot will have to change because you have someone in your life.
Though there might be a reduction in the frequency of activities they both like to indulge in, this does not justify a total annihilation of one’s self.
Over the decades, there have been numerous identified ingredients to making a relationship successful. None echoes the importance of ‘self-care’ more succinctly than Anna Dostoyevsky, wife of writer, Fyodor Dostoyevsky:
She said: “In truth, my husband and I were persons of ‘quite different construction, different bent, completely dissimilar views.’ But we always remained ourselves, in no way echoing nor currying favour with one another, neither of us trying to meddle with the other’s soul, neither I with his psyche nor he with mine. And in this way my good husband and I, both of us, felt ourselves free in spirit.”
A relationship that has the above mutual understanding, and no fear of judgment is one where the persons involved can be as himself or herself as reasonably possible without feeling like freedom is being doled out to them in bits.
Naturally, in times like this when more people are becoming self- aware, feeling restricted doesn’t sit quite well with humans.