15 October 2016
For those who have experienced an emotional wreck after a bad break -up or divorce, they can tell you that it is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone.
We may have a manual on how to set out for a relationship, but no one really prepares for how best to handle post-relationship era. And that is why most break-ups end up in a feisty manner.
It will be a fallacy to state that women are always at the receiving end of a bad break-up, even though the society perceives them as emotionally weak. In truth, men have also demonstrated that a nasty break-up could leave them badly shattered, affecting core areas of their lives.
It is therefore fair to say that women and men alike are affected by a nasty break-up.
No single approach is enough to handle a bad break-up, but there are fundamental decisions that can help everyone who is looking to bounce back from a nasty break-up.
Here are some decisions to consider making when you walk through that phase:
Choose to be happy
Your ex does not determine your happiness or your self-esteem. Life is short, so don’t waste it crying over someone who doesn’t value all the gifts you bring to the table. If they don’t, someone else will. You should be able to see beyond the present predicament, and convince yourself that you deserve the best things of life rather than being trapped in one’s past.
Make a conscious decision to go through the pain
As good feeling is synonymous with a newly found love so is pain with a bad break up. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. Don’t try to fight the ill feeling that comes with it, allowing yourself to feel sadness, grief, anxiety, and anger. Your emotions have risen to the surface for a reason. It is to teach you why such should never happen to you again.
Accept what you cannot change
You cannot change your ex’s feelings, behaviour, or capacity for kindness or empathy. But you can change yourself. Learn from your mistakes, grow stronger, and take this time to fortify your character. Stop drooling or hoping helplessly on why you think your ex will change his or her mind, this may prolong the days of emotional torture.
Grow in empathy
Instead of growing bitter and taking out your frustration on everyone who offers to help, grow in empathy. Pray for your ex in spite of what he or she may have done to you. It is also the gateway for forgiveness. Regardless of the outcome of the relationship.
Remain open to possibilities
Just because you met someone who has just treated you badly doesn’t mean the whole world is full of bad people. One mistake that people who have had a bad break up make is that, they tend to think everyone is out there looking for them to repeat the same and so they shut their hearts to love. Think about it, while you are thinking that love will never be kind to you, some other people are enjoying the best love could offer them.
Author: Dotun Obatuyi
My name is Dotun Obatuyi (Dotunoba), I hail from Osun state, a public health scientist (monitoring and evaluation specialist), my keen interests are researching, critiquing and writing feature articles on health, science and technology as well as issues around the globe.