24 October 2017
I had one of my own and everywhere I went, it was the one thing I hoped nobody ever found out….
I am gentle, I mind my business mostly, deal with people with respect and in my church, people see me as respectable, moral, sociable, loving and wise… BUT… I am all of those, just not as perfect as the picture people see.
“How should people know that underneath all of that I have my silent cries about my addictions, sexual habits, vengeful feelings, and other demons I struggle with inside?”
“I never meant to cheat on my spouse, but then it happened and I am forever locked up in this prison of guilt and counter-suspicion, she must never know or find out…”
“I needed some funds because of my sick daughter, I didn’t steal the company’s money, I only borrowed it, now it’s been too long I can’t return it and no one has noticed…or so I think”
“I can’t tell my wife, I have a different sexual orientation”
“I slept with them for money”
‘If anyone knew about this…they’d be disappointed’… these are some of the secret beats of many hearts, but they say we are men and must be perfect on all levels.
I personally have disappointed many people in my lifetime, betrayed trusts, hurt feelings, destroyed friendships, strained relationships and even slit the throats of love.
Secrets are never good; it’s the wound we try to conceal, the life we seek to keep… ‘…he that keepeth his life shall lose it, and he that loseth it shall pick it up again…’
We are never going to be free to be our fullest or live the best lives with secrets hanging around the things and people that matter to us. That way we build for ourselves towers of misunderstanding, pillars of blackmail, thorns of regrets and pockets filled with anvils of pain.
Just as it is bad to keep secrets, even medically speaking, secrets are responsible for some diseases.
We can be better men… live beyond the confines of “what no one must know”, we were never born with one, we grew into having one, just as the very things we never mattered to be open to all at birth is what we now call private.
We can be better men, not saying all is to be told to everyone, but the conscious effort to confess wrongs at the earliest opportunity, the ability to take responsibility for what may be shameful or embarrassing, the freedom of knowing that when all about us are discovered, they would not be the debris of all time that destroys legacies.
What do we do:
– Be honest about the issue! own up to it ahead of time, don’t use lies to cover up more lies
– Don’t cover it up, talk about it with someone you trust will help you in one way or another
– Measure progress and celebrate it each step
– Share your progress about it with someone else
He that keeps his life shall lose it…
Tell us what you think… would you tell a secret of yours to someone?
This is a forum for men to share and learn together from their peculiar issues to become men of honour in a society that expects less.