As St Valentine’s Day draws nearer, I wish to shatter wrong beliefs on what love is in a series I call ”Love is not —–”.


‘You WILL visit my family every weekend’. You WILL spend every Christmas with Mama and Papa at the village’. And so on.

This sort of control is what is called EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION especially when the one being controlled begins to see it as a show of love upon being stifled.

Control does not necessarily have to be aggressive, it can come subtly. Controlling people deplore variety of ways to dominate their partners.

Partners being dominated begin to see themselves as being ‘helped’ or ‘loved’ by the control freak.

Every manipulative action of the control freak is ‘received’ as an act of love. ‘If he doesn’t love me, he will not insist I do away with my childhood friend. He must have seen something in her to tell her to take her leave when he came in’ – They try to justify the mannerless behaviour and domineering attitude of their partners.

Emotional manipulators are well seasoned at guilt tripping games. They work their partners to a point where the partners feel constantly guilty, making those partners perpetually trying not to feel guilty and this they achieve most times by giving in to the manipulator’s commands and demands.

Whatever love is, making you an emotional wreck at the mercy of a controlling partner is not love.

Love does not seek its own!


Author: Siju Yusuf