5 October 2016
No man starts out to abuse his spouse on their first night together. That abusive man also has his sweet moments and you’ve experienced both.
They know how to fix you up after battering you. He always knows how to compensate you and he makes you feel loved again. He makes everything look like it’s a bad mistake he will never commit again, the makeup sex is also out of this world.
After a couple of weeks, the cycle of abuse starts again, the demon in him has resurfaced.
If you are experiencing this sort of thing you are in an abusive relationship and here is why you are still stuck in it even when all signs say ‘jet the heck out’:
Women who are webbed in an abusive relationship often have low self-esteem. It might be an aftermath of a bad relationship itself, but they sure have it. It could also relate to what you may have experienced with your parents. They tell themselves that the guy is the best thing that has ever happened to them. He is the one who rescued them on their way to depression.
Some women are ignorant of what is good in a relationship. Growing up, they have never witnessed responsible men take good care of their spouses. What they’ve always seen are the bad boyfriends of their siblings and girlfriends, boys doing drugs and shady deals, always coming back angry and touchy. They feel all men are made this way.
He threatens or manipulates you
Women in abusive relationships may from time to time experience threats being meted out to them from their abusive partners. They may be too scared to report the matter even to their closest relatives and confidants simply because he promised to hurt you or your kids. In another vein, some do it subtly, such that even the woman in question does not realize she is being manipulated to remain in the relationship. He always messes with your mind, making you to think you are the one with all the issues.
You truly think you can change him
I have heard women say over and over again that they can change their spouses’ behaviour. While I don’t want to sound pessimistic, I would like to say this is far from possible. Many women have been murdered in an abusive relationship in the hope that they would eventually change their spouse. No one can make another person change if he does not want to. He has to be willing to work on it. He has to want to change because it will make him a better person, not because he made an insincere promise in order to make up after a fight.
You love him
The commonest answer you will get from abused women is ‘’I love him’’. This is the phrase that they have coined for themselves in their shell. Thinking you love him and you want to stay with him does not remove the fact that you are being abused. There are other women out there who also love their men and don’t get abused.
It is safe to conclude that women who remain in abusive relationships do so because they are not willing to get out so they conjure many reasons why they must remain battered while other women are enjoying the best of what a relationship can offer.
If you are in such, you deserve better. Get out now!
Author: Dotun Obatuyi
My name is Dotun Obatuyi (Dotunoba), I hail from Osun state, a public health scientist (monitoring and evaluation specialist), my keen interests are researching, critiquing and writing feature articles on health, science and technology as well as issues around the globe.