5 May 2016
It might seem so, that love is all. Not because that’s the way it is, but because, we have grown up to believe that “once I like him and he likes me, then we get on with it”, but that is fairly enough to sustain any “moving on” that wants to be done from there. While it is of course a key ingredient, over time a few extra need to be jolted in.
It’s the reason why after divorces or break-ups, we still find ourselves emotionally attached to the other person, it goes to show that it wasn’t all the time that lack of love made two people separate. Our idea that love is enough disengages us from the other idea that there are other fundamentally important – values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about.
But if we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy relationships require more than just emotion or lofty passions. We begin to see that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values.
Let’s put things in perspective, on what we should really start concentrating on:
- Compatibility: It is very possible to fall in love with people who aren’t good for us or treat us well. In other to be in a healthy relationship, both parties need to consider how feasible coming together would be, sort out their interests and what they both need from a partner.
- Other Values: Saying “I love you” everyday isn’t going to sustain, there are other buffers, such as respect, humility, some level of emotional maturity and many others are needed for one to be in a relationship. Many years after divorce, some couples confess to still loving their partner, but ask them why they aren’t together- you get answers different from the lack of love.
- A perspective of choice: This puts us on a path of acknowledgement that long after in relationship, everyday is a constant choice to stay with that person, love isn’t just a feeling it is a choice. An analogy succinct for this is a potted plant that requires frequent care, in neglection, it dies off. It is the same with relationship, you don’t run on yesterday- what you did for him/her, or the rose you got last year’s valentines, so she doesn’t need a reminder this year. It runs on “Todays” and “Yesterdays”
- Spontaneity: Like every other human, monotony is boring. Doing the same things over and over dulls down the fire. A red today and a green tomorrow, keeps the boredom at bay.
No one exactly knows it all, but the above sets the right shift in perspective.In every relationship, it’s about finding your rhythm and going with the flow.